Basic girls, they’re everywhere.
They’re next to you in lecture, yapping behind you in line at Starbucks, walking out of frat houses and acting #whitegirlwasted on any given Saturday night. You name it, a basic bitch is there.
As much as the basic bitch annoys us, there’s a little bit of her inside of all of us (unfortunately!) Everything the basic bitch says makes your eyes twitch, your hands cringe and she can be spotted in Uggs, carrying a mocha frappuccino or dressed like a knock-off Kardashian who didn’t blend her bronzer or ace her contour. But as much as we want to hate her, cut her some slack because she’s only human…and we’ve ALL been there.
So yeah, chances are you’ve behaved basic a few times. BUT, it’s okay! Why? Because part of being basic comes from our need and our want to fit in.
Look, I’m the first to admit I’ve had my basic moments (FOR SURE!)
However, if you can recognize your basic moments and admit to your annoyingness, I can still chill with you. But if you’re soooooo basic you don’t even know what you’re doing wrong…oh honey, we have got a problem.
Don’t worry though, I am here to help. I’ve been basic at times, I’ve interacted with too many basic bitches to even count and I can hit you with some serious knowledge when it comes to you level of basic.
1 being the kind of girl who tells it like it is, follows her own path, doesn’t agitate the men in her life and NEVER instagrammed a pumpkin spice latte.
10 being the girl who says ‘literally’ in every sentence, bugs out about even the most trivial things, considers Uggs a fashion statement and only goes out to take pictures of her and her #whitegirlwasted gang of basic bitches.
Anyways, here’s how you know that you ARE a diagnosed Basic Bitch.
- You take down your Instagram because it doesn’t have enough likes.
- You “literally, can’t even” do anything. Like seriously, learn a new word lady.
- For someone as healthy and young as a basic bitch, you are always “dying.” “I’m so tired, I’m dying.” “Mike just opened my Snapchat, I’m dying!”
- Taking selfies is a lifestyle for you. It’s something you do 24/7 and, unfortunately for us, there something you’re constantly posting EVERYWHERE.
- You put on makeup and got dressed just to have a photoshoot to find a new pro pic. My heart goes out to the friend who you forced to do that.
- Posting a photo on Instagram or Facebook takes hours. Picking a basic caption and filing through filters and edits is time consuming and exhausting. It’s like, “This filter is making me look weird. I can’t find a good one, I’m literally dying!” (double whammy right there!)
- You know all the local Starbucks locations and your favorite order better than you know the back of your hand.
- You’re attracted to frat boys and f**k boys. You know their bad news, but they’re like the boy version of basic bitches so it’s like Barbie and Ken, right? Perfect!
- You own Uggs, Ugg slippers, a hundred pairs of solid black leggings and, of course, infinity scarves and tons of chapstick.
- You have confidently asked the question, “I want to wear this, but is it slutty enough?” (huge no-no ladies!)
So sorry basics, but ya’ll just got served.
So whether you basic level is 0, 10 or 5, don’t forget to laugh at yourself. We are all going to be basic at times, but remember to come back to reality shortly after.
Keep doing you ladies, but remember this piece of advice from the infamous, notorious, obnoxiously rich, revered (maybe?) family….
Love ya, KhloMoney.